Hard to deal with losing my sister!

Well I have to get my thoughts out some where. My mom wants me to go to counseling, which wouldn't be a new thing. But at this point I don't think a counselor could do a damn thing about how I feel. My sister was murdered by her boyfriend of 4 years in cold blood and I'm suppose to want to tell that to a counselor. Who will only give me an hour to speak and in month intervals. I am so good.

It's really been harder then I could have possibly imagined dealing with her being gone. She was the sunflower in our small-tight family. There's so much to be missed with her vanishing, joy, love and caring personality.

Since this had happen June 18, 2007. Things for me have only gotten worst. My thoughts and feelings, mixed emotions. I know I wish it was just some horrible night mare.

I constantly think how could a man who claimed to love my sister, had my sister raising his child. One day just up and kill her? There are so many questions that will never be answered since he is now dead too. And it all just plagues my thoughts continuously.

My sister was a women of unspeakable beauty and talents, why did this had to happen to her?

Me and Lea
Originally uploaded by prettydamndevine

Me and my sister when I was about 9 she was about 20